In Loving Memory of Mom

Tamera J. Howell

May 24, 1958 - July 4, 2008

Today is bittersweet. Today marks the one year anniversary of our wedding day. While I'm proud of how far Jeff and I have come over our first year of marriage (both employed with good companies, in our own new house, and happy with Guster and Lola), I'm saddened by the passing of my mother. Mom lost her battle on July 4th. She died at home in her bed. We'd like to believe she passed peacefully in her sleep. It was strangely sudden and unexpected. We've been preparing ourselves for this for years, but somehow didn't really expect it to happen so soon.

Mom was a fighter. In 1995, she was diagnosed with Vasculitus (a rare auto immune disease). Shortly after, she was diagnosed with Epilepsy. She had suffered from seizures all of her life, but they had gone unnoticed until we discovered it was no longer safe for her to drive. Chad and I grew up quickly. We learned to drive at an early age so that Mom wouldn't endanger others and herself on the road. In her later weeks and months of life, they became debilitating. In 2005, Mom was given the devastating blow that she had breast cancer. She went through and extensive round of surgeries and treatments. Her poor body just couldn't keep up. Over the years, she lost her mobility and energy and rarely was able to make it to traditional family functions. She spent Christmas this past year, as well as her 50th birthday party in bed - not feeling well. Most people had a hard time understanding why she closed herself off. Those of us who knew her well and all that she went through on a daily basis...the simple tasks that became major struggles...knew that she couldn't help it and wanted nothing more than to be healthy and with us. It just wasn't fair for her to endure all that she went through. She fought every day for us. Her goal, her wish, was to be able to see all of her kids get married and start families. She wanted so badly to be able to scoop up a grandbaby and smother them with hugs and kisses. She was fortunate enough to see her first grandchild, Mackenzie, from time to time. Mom loved her so...

She always made sure we knew just how much we were loved. She loved her family with all her heart and soul. She was a wonderful, giving spirit that this world must now live without. She had a kind and generous heart. She was silly and stubborn, funny and determined. She was quite a force to be reckoned with, and she will be missed dearly.

Mom was so very stubborn. I'd like to say that she is where I get my hard-headedness and fight. The morning of the 4th, Jeff and I stopped by the house to drop off and pick up a few things. I shared with Mom and Dad a few pictures of Mackenzie's first steps from the previous weekend. We talked a while and laughed with her about a few random things. She talked about how she'd never forget the way we looked the day we got married a year before. She also told Jeff that she knew from the very first minute she saw him that he was "the one." We'll forever cherish that now. She gave me tips on how to hide things that I bought from Jeff...she said he wouldn't know the difference. :) Before we left to go run errands, she insisted that she give us an anniversary gift. I told her it wasn't necessary, but she wouldn't let it go. In her weak, meager handwriting, she wrote a check to Jeff and I. She wanted to give us paper for our first...because that's the traditional gift. She asked that we put it towards furniture for the house. Although it felt strange, we deposited the check today...for Mom. We'll buy something for the house from her and we'll cherish it forever. She was so giving...and so stubborn. I was fortunate enough to hug her one last time and tell her I loved her. I only wish I had held on tighter and longer and said "I love you" with more conviction so she knew how much I meant it.

Jeff and I are heading downtown for dinner tonight to a restaurant called Seven. Our reservations are at 7:00. Silly, I know, but it made Mom laugh. Our gift to each other is a fence for the back yard so that Lola (our new puppy) can play. Other than that, we'll just take it easy. I'll continue to think about Mom and all she did for Jeff and I over the years. Mom and Dad gave us a beautiful wedding for which we'll always be grateful.

I miss Mom so much already. I miss her laugh, her smile, her sillyness, and most of all her friendship. She was and always will be my best friend. I know I'll always be able to tell her anything. And I know she'll be waiting for my next ridiculous story that will hopefully bring laughter to her heart and fulfillment to mine.

Thank you all so much for all your kind thoughts and prayers. We're blessed to have such a great support system of friends and family to help us through this very difficult time. We appreciate it more than you'll ever know.

Mom's service will take place at 6:00 pm on Thursday July 10, 2008 at Charter Funeral home off of Shawnee Mission Pkwy. We hope to give Mom the tribute and attention she deserved while she was still with us.